


Sunrise, Sunset, Broken

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Happy Ending, It seems sad but it'll get happy, M/M, Muteness, OT5 Friendship, Self-Harm, extreme suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:05:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6075159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't remember not being sad. He's okay with that. At least he thinks. Until he meets the quiet Harry Styles who's probably just as fucked up as he is. And suddenly sadness isn't okay, for either of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunrise, Sunset, Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this at 2:00am and here I am at 6:00am with no sleep. I'd like to thank my imagination for ending my dry spell of writers block when I really could have used some sleep. Thanks really.

The thing about being entirely and completely fucked up in the head is that you literally can't even take yourself seriously. Louis Tomlinson for one can totally vouch for that. 

Louis has always been sad, in the sense that he can't think of a waking moment in his existence where he hasn't been sad. Of course he can think of happy moments in his life, but even the supposed happy moments it wasn't like his sadness just went away. It just dimmed under a layer for a few moments. It was a false sense of security until only a minute later when Louis’s mind actually can think and he's just as fucked up as he was before.

Louis doesn't remember when the suicidal thoughts started either, perhaps they'd always been there. Perhaps it was every time he crossed the street that he would just think about stopping and letting the car hit him. Louis may have suicidal thoughts and they may be kind of annoying (well very annoying) but he was prided himself in being good at ignoring them. Better than the average person. But if death perhaps presented himself suddenly, Louis doesn't think he'd do little to stop him from grasping.

Louis was fucked up. He was self aware. He wasn't in denial either. He just didn't even care anymore. So what? One day it may be enough to set him over the edge. So what? His mum had other children. His siblings other siblings. His friends other and better friends. 

He wasn't daft enough to think that no one would be sad if he died he just had learned that he will never be that number one person. The person that someone can't live without. He has friends great friends best friends but he knows that he'll always be second.

And he's fine with that, he has to be otherwise it'll eat him alive.

Louis has to be fine with a lot of things.

And that's okay in Louis’s opinion.

The first day of senior year starts out with Louis sitting in the back of Zayn Malik's car watching him and his boyfriend suck each others faces off come plenty forgetting about Louis’s existence.

Not that he was complaining much really. He was enjoying his cigarette quite nicely without having to talk (he hated talking while smoking, it was an odd pet peeve). Plus it wasn't like Zayn and Liam weren't crazy attractive. Them making out was hot. It was a much nicer view than the pinks and purples that lit up the sunrise at the current moment.

Louis didn't like sunrises or sunsets they were far too pretty to be okay in his book.

The bell rings startling Zayn and Liam away from each other. Liam realizes it first.

“Fuck Lou’s here!”

“We did you know carpool to school together,” Louis let's out an impish grin even though his mind is thinking, his mind is thinking how fast Liam can get lost in Zayn and how easy it'll be for Liam to get lost in Zayn once Louis is gone.

“Sorry Louis,” Zayn says wiping his mouth (he doesn't look very sorry).

Louis rolls his eyes and swings out of the door shrugging on his backpack and adjusting his beanie, “whatever it was hot.”

“I can tell,” smirks Zayn nodding at Louis's prominent bulge in his black ripped skinnies (Liam blushes like mad)

The three of them split off sometime I the hallway none of them having first period together. Louis has English first which isn't exactly the worst first class to have of the day, but honestly any class in his opinion just sucks.

He's a minute and a half late and his teacher (the same he had last year whom he couldn't even bother to learn her name) just rolls his eye at him. He salutes back at her.

The only seat left is one next to a tall gangly limbed long haired curly headed boy. He's pretty in the worst sense. The sunset stance where he's too pretty it's just unnatural. Louis plops down in the desk next to Harry and Harry visibly flinches. Louis wants to tell him to calm the fuck down but then he remembered he decided he wasn't going to talk to anyone but Liam, Zayn, Perrie and maybe Niall depending on his mood for the rest of the year.

He than also realizes he forgot a pencil.

Shit. Without a pencil he can't at least look like he's doing something.

“Um...” Louis says, “Got a pencil?”

The boy doesn't speak and Louis wonders if he's deaf but suddenly not even looking away from the bored he grabs one out of his backpack and plops it on Louis's desk. Louis then wonders if the kid is mute or something.

Louis doesn't say thanks because he's an asshole and he most definitely doesn't want to get to know the weird kid next to him.

But he does catch his name as he writes it in the left corner of his paper Harry Styles.

~~~  
“Harry Styles,” Louis asks Niall at lunch intuit hooting his conversation with Perrie, “tell me what you know.”

Even though half the time he had a lot tolerance for Niall, he knew the Irish kid did have something going for him. He was incredibly sociable. He knew everyone and anyone and he remembered names background stories. Louis wondered often if Niall was a robot, he did lie about being blonde what else could he be hiding.

“Long limbs, long curly hair, green eyes?” Niall asks.

Louis nods impatiently.

“Don't know much honestly, he's my neighbor though. His mum only leaves the house to go grocery shopping and his dad is off at work but home at nights. I think he's mute actually.”

“Really?”

Niall nods, “He seems nice though.”

“How would you know?” Louis asks.

“When there was a fire on my street this little girl named Lux got stuck in the house. Harry went in and saved her. Saw it with me own very too eye. Lux’s mum didn't even have the chance to thank him before his da was dragging him back into the house. It's weird.”

Someone ask Niall something else and Louis is suddenly ignored.

What else is new.

***

Louis didn't mind PE but that didn't mean he particularly enjoyed it. He was indifferent about it like he was for most things.

He shares that class with the Harry Styles too. The kid shrivels in the corner hiding his body maneuvering clothes on and off him without showing the tiniest sliver of milky skin. 

Oli and Calvin aka the biggest assholes in the school according to Louis of course take notice of Harry Styles.

There was a time in Louis’s life when he would have put Oli and Calvin on the same list as Zayn and the others. But when Liam and Zayn expectantly fell in love Sophmore year the two turned on them. Louis for a minute was caught in the middle until he realized oh wait he was gay too and of course stayed on Liam and Zayns side. They really haven't talked since and Oli and Calvin don't go out of their way to bully Louis, Zayn, and Liam. But Louis has seen first hand the two attack lower class men. It never was pretty.

“Hey retard!” Oli yells.

Out of all things, Louis thinks annoyed. Out of all insults. God he was such a dick.

Harry doesn't seem to care and doesn't look up until Calvin slams his hand on the locker next to Harry and the kid flinches with a wounded sounding whimper although Calvin had yet to lay a hand on him, “he was talking to you!”

Harry doesn't answer he just quivers under their glances.

“Bet he doesn't even understand what we’re saying the little cock sucking bitch,” Oli snorts turning and walking down the row of lockers. 

Louis shouldn't care but it doesn't stop him from kicking an old gym shit someone left out right in the path of Calvin. Who slips on it knocking himself and Oli backwards with a painful thud.

He hears a laugh the might have belonged to Harry but when he looks to where the curly headed boy was last he's nowhere to be seen.

~~~  
The first thing he does when Louis gets home is kiss his mother's cheek because Louis is a lot of things but a bad son isn't one of them.

He had to be a good son, he was the man of the house. Or so as the drunken father said to Louis when he left them seven years ago when the twins were still in the womb. When Louis was just eleven.

He takes the role very seriously.

He's not a bad brother either the first thing he does is go to the twins room and tickle them till they can't breathe because he doesn't want a sad bone in their small bodies.

He then goes to Fizzy and Lottie's room. Lottie in eight grade, Fizzy in sixth. Him and Lottie banter for awhile, Louis playing it heavy on the dad jokes. Lottie laughs quite hard despite her claims that she was absolutely done with Louis. A few moments later she takes a step towards Louis and with sad eyes she says, “Fizzy is sad again, she.. The girls were mean to her at school again.”

Louis tells himself he loves all his sisters equally, and he really tries too, but Fizzy has always held a special place in his heart because she's so much like him. So sad. Except she has a reason.

Fizzy is pure and wonderful and sweet. She's just a little shy. And with a little shyness comes a little awkwardness. It wasn't her fault she sometimes couldn't form a full sentence or she spews out the wrong answer. She wa quite bright actually. It wasn't her fault either that she was smaller than the other kids. Tiny. So easy to push around.

Fizzy has a reason to be sad.

Louis doesn't.

Fizzy isn't sunrise nor a sunset, she is far from perfect. 

So for a half an hour Louis ignores everyone else and cuddles Fizzy reminding her what a brought child she is and reminding her that she’ll grow not only in size but she’ll grow out of her shell and blossom into the wonderful person Louis sees every day.

~~~  
Harry picks twelve flowers from his mother's garden like he does everyday at 3:25 and he drops them off at the Tisdale residents at 3:28 sliding them through the make hole like he does every day. He makes eye contact with Ms.Tisdale like he so often does. She gives him a soft smile as a thank you. He nods politely.

He gets back to his house and at 3:30 his father returns.

Drunk.

He doesn't know how because how can his father be drunk when he was suppose to be at work.

He doesn't think much of it because there's a mug being thrown at his head.

Harry ducks and runs up the stakes like the same scared little boy he's been all these years. 

He hears his father yelling and he hopes his mother isn't home.

He pulls out his razor from his door pushes down his pants and boxers so his hip is exposed and slices and slices.

At least he has control of this pain.

That's all Harry wanted though control.

~~~  
Louis’s friends pick him up at seven o clock. The first day of school for Louis’s senior year took place on a Friday. He doesn't know or get why but he's thankful because he really just needs to unwind.

He really just needed alcohol in his blood.

To be careless and possibly make the mistake that would end it all. Oh wouldn't that be nice.

The party is at full force already when they get there despite it will being early in the night which was good because it was easier to get ahold of the stronger alcohol the stronger drugs.

He was drunk.

He makes a big man mad. He doesn't remember what he does all he remembers it that he wanted to make him angry. He wanted to be hurt he wanted to be hit he wanted someone else to think he was a big peice of scum other than himself. He wanted a physical beating rather than the mental beating.

He remembers Liam punching the guy before he could get another hit in. Niall close behind him. He remembers Zayn grabbing him by the waist and dragging him out into the crisp cold air onto the lawn littered with red cups and broken beer bottles.

Louis remembers Zayn grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him and saying, “What the fuck man you trying to get yourself killed?”

Louis jerks from Zayn's hold stumbling towards a bush and searching his pockets for a smoke, “Fuck off.”

Zayn grabs him the shoulders, “Lou... Babe what was that. You picked that fight we all watched you, what's going on you can talk to me man?”

No he can't no he can't. Because he’ll always be second. When Louis is gone Zayn will be as lost in Liam as Liam is lost in Zayn and it'll be okay.

He doesn't realize he's said it outloud until Zayn's grip tightens, “When your gone... Louis what are you-”

“Nothing,” Louis says whining like a small child trying to wiggle from Zayn’s iron grip.

“Are you running away?” Zayn says.

“No!” Louis says, “I couldn't live with myself if I do that.”

Zayns eyes widen in sudden realization, “Fuck... Louis no... Don't.”

“Hush,” Louis says, “I'm not actually going to do it I just think about it.”

Zayn swallows, “Since when?”

Louis smiles softly, “I don't know... Forever maybe?”

The he leans over and throws up all over Zayn’s nice shoes.


End file.
